The 7 Common Wedding Anxieties of Gay Couples (and How to Alleviate Them)


July 15, 2016 Facebook Twitter LinkedIn Google+ Advice


Virginia gay weddings

A same-sex wedding gives couples permission to blur the boundaries that constrain a traditional wedding. With that exciting opportunity can come stresses unique to us. The first step to addressing them is to start a dialogue with your partner about the anxieties you both feel. The following are a few classic wedding worries that present new complexities for same-sex couples:

PRPPOSALS: It’s always been a great Kodak moment, giddy and scary. But is there a newer, more equal and modern way to propose? Instead of, “Will you marry me?” should it be, “Shall we marry?”  Or does it even matter since, by definition, one person has to pose the question first? The beauty is that there is no wrong answer. The proposal is about creating a moment. Make it a gift that you can relive together for a lifetime.

RINGS: Wedding rings pose different issues for men and women, as jewelry plays different roles and has different codes for different genders. Decide what rings mean to you and if it’s important for you to exchange them on your wedding day. Then make it your own. If you already wear commitment bands, think about adding stones for your wedding day to represent the new chapter in your lives.

ROLE DEFINITION: How do you define your roles? Brides and grooms? Similarly, it is a delightful conundrum figuring out how to include and title those close to you, even if it means rethinking the idea of a best man or a maid of honor to include all persons of honor.

PROCESSION: Who gives you away? Does only one of you go down the aisle, or both together? We attended one wedding where the “brooms” met at the head of the aisle. Each walked with his best friend. They paused a moment, saw each other, and then walked together to the altar where their parents and wedding guests were seated. It was beautiful and moving, creative and thoughtful.

FLOWERS: It’s been said that weddings are about flowers. Should your personal flowers be lavish or simple and smart?  Again, think outside the box. Custom muffs and scarves are a creative way to incorporate florals. Leis are a wonderful addition for the wedding party because of the garland’s representation of affection. And boutonnières are timeless.

THE DRESS: For women–and some men–do you have to wear a version of the dress? For many brides this is the ultimate form of expression and the element by which their wedding is defined. For some, it fulfills a fantasy. And for yet others, bare feet in khakis and a Hawaiian shirt on the beach works. The goal is to feel comfortable, unique, and happy on your wedding day.

LAST NAMES: The beauty of a same-sex wedding is that this is the one area where the pressure is off. It is not expected that there will be a name change, although hyphenates are often used. With regard to invitations, thank-you notes and wedding favors, a monogram incorporating both last names is common with same-sex couples.

The most important thing to remember is that a wedding is a party, maybe the best and most memorable party you’ll ever give. The people you love are there with you to celebrate the most thrilling, funny, warm, and beautiful time in your life. So make it your own.